Tourist Sauce (Scotland Golf): Episode 5, Crail


We’re out at the Himalayas. The ladies medal going on. The excitement is palpable. Just watching some of that stuff, I’m very
happy that Randy and I made an excuse to go see more of the town of St. Andrews. The worst part was that I played really, really
well the previous day at the Old Course, and, like, one of the best rounds I’ve had this
year, so I had really high hopes going into it, and of course struggled and got our dicks
knocked in. Well we were happy to see more of the town
of St. Andrews. One thing that’s really cool is just the fact
that St. Andrews is as accessible as it is. One of our first questions, we had a chance
to sit down with some people from the Links Trust and, one of our first questions was
just “how does this place stay public?” It’s a St. Andrews thing but I think it’s
also inherently a Scottish thing. That’s our freedom to roam, and the way that
links courses were born, were just rough patches of ground next to towns on the coastal areas
of Scotland. What happens here in St. Andrews you’ll see
if you go elsewhere in Scotland in terms of the courses that are on the coast are an intrinsic
part of the places they’re at and they’re part of the community, they’re part of the
residents, you know, experience, you know, if you live in North Berwick, you want to
play that golf course, if you live in St. Andrews, you want to play that golf course. And I think it’s just part of our DNA and
our relationship with golf that, we just wanna make it accessible and affordable and give
all people an opportunity to come out and play. The Old course is the coolest thing about
St. Andrews, the town of St. Andrews is the next coolest thing. Listen, the kid loves seeing college towns. As does Randy. So sleeping in and just seeing the town of
St. Andrews was, about as much of a thrill as you can possibly have. SIIIIICK. So St. Andrews is a town that we’re really
fortunate that you have a huge university that’s just grown and grown over the years. So it’s kinda seasonal, in the summer with
all of the golfers, and then the winter all of the students are here. And that’s that knock on effect that, for
a town of its size, because we’ve got a really small resident population, it’s got a great
offering in terms of restaurants, pubs, things to do and see, and you’ve got all of the history
away from the golf course as well with the cathedral, it’s a real, picturesque, beautiful
place. How long did y’all sleep in till? I think Soly and I were up at 6:15. Oh gosh, yeah we slept in until like 8, 8:30. Had a coffee. Honestly, I don’t wanna rub it in, but it
was a delightful…. delightful day. So one of the coolest things that you can
see from the Old Course is the Himalayas putting green. The Him-All-ee-yuhs, as the locals like to
call it. And it’s this putting green that Old Tom Morris
built for the Ladies Putting Club back in the 1840’s-1850’s I think. And it turned out, it was all of these wives
of the R&A members who basically were like, hey we can, yunno, we like to putt, we don’t
really like to play golf. We like to do stuff too. So, like, they’re like, cool! Why don’t you guys have this putting green
and you guys go have matches out there. So they have all of these different competitions
out there and all these different medals, trophies, everything that they play for, comps,
and as someone who struggles to hit driver on the planet consistently, the idea of like
a one-on-one putting match is…. mind blowing. That’s as appealing as it gets to me. No joke, Randy and I probably sat here for
two hours, watching the ladies putting club. It’s incredible. It’s awesome. They have absolutely closed off the waiting
list to get into this club. I think someone has to die before they let
a new member in. They’ve got an edge to them and they’re all
really chippy. It looks like the most fun you could possibly
have. The most fun I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Just these like, completely like no stakes,
but also kind of all the stakes, like you could tell it means a ton to all of these
ladies. You can see in the pictures here, this putting
green is bananas. It’s so hard to lag it close, and they’re
soooo good from like 40 feet, put ’em to any hole, and the cups change every day, so it’s
not like you learn every putt or whatever, they change every day. They’re so good at knocking it to stone dead,
every time, and then, they all have the yips within like, they can’t make a putt within
like 2.5-3 feet. I’m only laughing because I can’t hit the
hole from like four feet either. They’re going to extra holes! They’re going to extra holes! I’m gutted. The visor lady was putting on a really good
charge. Hitting really aggressive putts. And it just caught up with her a bit at the
last there. She kinda left herself a tough downhiller. But she made it pretty far in the bracket. Now she goes to enjoy a bit of time on the
yellow course. It looked like there was quite a crowd there
as well. For sure. Well I mean yeah. Well actually, a lot of those people are public
that got turned away. Our man Kevin sets the course, he just took
the job recently in the last couple of months. I felt bad for him, he’s gotta turn away all
of these people who are just, they’re chipper and they’re rolling up with their putters
and “I’m sorry the course is closed just now”, and he’s gotta explain that basically this
piece of land is owned by the ladies putting club and then they basically let the public
use it at no cost, and then whenever they feel like closing it down for competitions,
they’re well within their right to do so, and uh, that’s what happens three days a week. “Did any of the ladies wanna come on camera?” They did not wanna come on camera. It is a very proper club and I think there’s
a hierarchy of things. Basically the club secretary is allowed to
speak for the club and I don’t believe anyone else is. And I suppose when you’re not accepting new
members you kinda, don’t wanna ruffle any feathers, get yourself kicked out. And one thing that was weird, and I don’t
get why they do this. Is that the ladies have numbered flags, so
they know what hole is which, and then Kevin goes and he has to switch out all of the numbered
flags for unnumbered flags so the public has no clue what’s going on. It’s a beautiful disaster. I can’t get enough. I think we should start a putting club when
we get back to Jacksonville. Ladies only, and me and Randy. Let’s go. So tell me what I missed, tell me about Crail. Well Poosh joined us. We got out to Crail, it was kind of a gloomy,
gray morning. Tell me about this secretary, because I saw
a lot of this dude in all of the footage. Yeah, he was a menace. He knew basically anything about everything. Or everything about anything. Scotland was glaciated and when the glaciers
melted and receded. The land virtually sprung up a little bit. So what you’re looking at on Balcomie is a
sand beach which is higher than the sea level. It’s the longest continuously inhabited piece
of ground in Scotland. They found Mesolithic artifacts from 6,000
to 9,000 years BC. He was on another level. He seems like the kinda guy you’d wanna have
at like every cocktail party. Yeah. Because it was such a narrow strip of land
and it was common ground, there was a great deal of tension between the golfers, and the
other people that use the ground. A farmer paid a young boy to drive cattle
a gallup up and down the golf course to ruin it for the golfers. He was like the Scottish middle aged version
of Panther Mike. That’s the highest honor. Shoutout Panther Mike. Not only did he give us a history of this
course, he gave us a history of their other course, designed by Gil Hanse, it was his
first solo design. He gave us a history of golf in Scotland. The glaciation. The geological history. The place was mad glaciated. Eastern Scotland, the whole thing was, yunno
Viking history, the whole thing was more than I had bargained for. I don’t think I even had a cup of coffee. You probably didn’t need one. No, no. So Crail wasn’t the first club to invent hole
cups, but we were the first club to officially record the use of them. It’s in our minutes from 1874. Alan Robertson was the world’s first golf
professional. He was the first guy to ever make a living
from playing golf. The 12th is a very difficult green to putt,
well that’s because there’s a Viking defensive structure runs through the middle of that
green. Actually of this was after we played, this
was after we thoroughly got punched in the face. It’s not a very long or, yunno, to the eye
it’s not a very challenging course. And then, I thought it was ten times harder
than most of the other courses we played on this trip. Well while you guys were getting a history
lesson, we were doing a little bit of exploring of our own. Randy and I are huge into seeing college campuses. This is probably, I think, our 5th or 6th
of 2018 and the big guy just, what a thrill to see him… this was the best… what a
thrill to see him roaming around academia, he loves it. It’s like some Harry Potter shit. I’m big on seeing campuses. I love seeing college campuses. And this campus feels like like it couldn’t
be anymore college. The most college. What do you think? It’s magnificent turf. Look at this quad! This is a proper quad. You could huck D’s out here for hours. You might need to pump some photos of Randy
in college here. Yeah so Randy played college basketball for
a couple of years at Washington and Lee. So he was a point guard, he’s 6’8″ and he
was a point guard. And then his coach got fired after his sophomore
year, or after his freshman year, and the new guy wanted him to bang down low. It’s not his style. And Randy said, I’m just gonna quit. It’s gonna be a no for me. And transfer to Miami. Yeah this was a sign about someone that got
burned at the stake at this spot. It was pretty heavy stuff. You better be careful expressing some of your
views around here. That’s heavy. I think Randy took more photographs and videos
of cemeteries than he did on golf courses. Yeah he, like, shoutout to Randy, but he’s
not always quick on the trigger with filming on the course, but he shot like 15 cemeteries
while we were in Scotland. Very morbid. He loves shooting video of cemeteries. And this of course, he’s a huge fan of the
royal family, so this was quite a thrill as well for him. Crusin’ weather. You don’t see a lot of people getting a convertible
on their Scottish vacation, so shoutout to BMW for making that happen. And giraffe Randy, poking his head out. But enough about that, let’s get into the
actual golf course. So Crail, pretty compact property. We really just didn’t pack our game. So “Boathouse” is the first hole. You hit down, it’s like this drivable par-4. And along the right is this boathouse. And there’s lifeboats in there. Soly drove it to the right side, he had to
play over the boathouse. And then a theme too, Poosh covers the ball
so well with his sternum. Poosh has some old school Ted Ray vibes. So you go out, the first four holes, first
five holes are along the coast. And then you start coming back in, but they’re
all right on top of each other. You guys really struggled here. That’s heavy contact out of the bunker. That was OB. Way OB. There’s barbed wire, there’s like cows grazing
over there. It’s so on top of each other that you’re hitting
into other groups. Hitting chili peppers down the other fairway. We saw the Australians that you played with. We were playing up their fairway, they were
playing up our fairway. Nathan and Brendan and the boys. I thought I flagged that one. Didn’t. Another theme is on a trip like this, obviously
we’re trying to make everything as authentic as possible but we played so bad that. Alright no one wants to see us miss this – like,
that was a shank. Nobody wants to see us miss this many putts,
so we started… like alright, we gotta, I think this was like the fourth take of that
and I still couldn’t even get it remotely close there. So we started, like, we obviously need to
start making some putts here. usually we’re pretty authentic on the scores
and stuff, but we just needed some video of putts going in the hole. And it looked like you guys had a massive
struggle trying to make that happen. That’s a bad…. God that’s a bad effort. Obviously we weren’t playing Tilt, Musselburgh,
and Crail we did not play Tilt. And Cullen we didn’t play Tilt either, later
in the season. Were you guys playing the friendly Herman
Cain. I don’t even think we were playing anything. I think by the 8th hole, it was like, yo I
need some action guys. There’s groups everywhere, and its quaint
and, super old school, and it’s kinda rustic golf in a sense. God It looks like you’re just hitting into
everybody all the time. Yeah I mean that’s the tee box for the next
hole, short right where all of the bad players miss, that’s where the wipey scrape lands,
yunno. Here’s Poosh talking a little bit more about
that. There’s no tee shot at Crail where you stand
on the tee and you don’t think you could possibly kill somebody with your tee ball. Really deep in the process, trying to find
the secret in the dirt. We were deep in our own process to be totally
candid with you. We hit up a local farmer’s market, picked
up some fresh strawberries. God it was delightful. Crack on! That was something about Scotland, the produce
was…. the produce was off the charts, the produce was off the charts and the fish is
really good too. Listen, you wanna talk about the food? People bitch about the food, but the food
was good. That was kinda the best surprise of the trip. I mean obviously they’ve got meat and potatoes,
but they’ve got plenty of good fish, a ton of good veggies. We eventually started kinda golfing our ball. The par-3’s for whatever reason I had like
5-iron into all of the par-3’s. I played exceptionally well on those. You don’t see a lot of balls stopping and
spinning in Scotland, that’s a little concerning. Soly was hitting stingers all day, shoutout
Pete Dye. Was this an original Pete Dye? This was like the 1850’s version of Pete Dye.
Lang wang here, par-5, my only birdie of the day. I’ve watched this putt like 25 times, and
I’m pretty sure, like, it goes in, right? Like, it’s definitely in, definitely in, definitely
in…. Oh that’s brutal. Did you fix that? I went back and fixed that after I holed out,
I felt terrible. That’s disgusting. It was so firm. That’s true it probably didn’t matter. So Poosh, for a big big man, extremely flexible,
extremely live. I think he’s kind of a Yogi. So you go down this path, and go back to the
last four holes of the course and you think it’s kinda gonna run out of gas, but actually
those last four holes are just as good, those are behind the clubhouse. the clubhouse sits up, great view over those
four holes and the rest of the course on the other side. There’s this Robert Louis Stephenson lighthouse
that, it was the original lighthouse upon which all other lighthouses henceforth were
modeled after. The big guy loves infrastructure. I do. Guilty. Obviously we wanna remain objective about
courses, but to a certain extent that’s just impossible, it was gloomy and gray when we
started playing, right when we were leaving the light came out, we threw the drone up,
and it just started popping. It was night and day versus what we had teed
off in. I wish we had another crack at Crail because
we could really go back, and I think a lot of the features that we didn’t even see because
they just looked flat in flat light, popped. So that really set the tone for the afternoon,
the most spiritual experience of my life. We’ll see that next week. Excuse me, trying to get to Elie. How’s it look? Magnificent. How do you feel? Not right now guys. The integrity of golf is preserved. Alright we’re checking out this Indian food. Good stuff on the way in. You know it’s good, if he’s been here. Monty, Boris Johnson.

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